If you’re anything like me, when you were a child adults often asked you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” My living room reenactments of every Disney movie spoke for themselves - I wanted to be an actress. Today my answer to that question is different. Regardless of my profession, I want to be more surrendered to and more dependent on Jesus Christ. I believe God has been faithful to use all things in my life - all the highs & the lows - to conform me more into His image (Romans 8:28-29).
One of the vehicles that He has used this past year has been allowing me the opportunity to serve as a Deacon. The Deacons are a team of men and women who help care for those in our church family and surrounding local community who are experiencing hardship and unmet physical or material needs.
How has the Lord used the Deacon ministry to help me look more like Jesus? I’m glad you asked!
First, I’ve been made uncomfortable.
Off the bat this may seem negative, but it’s actually been the best thing, because the moments of discomfort and uncertainty have led me back to where I’m meant to have remained all along - sitting at His feet in a posture of total surrender and dependence. Stepping into this role was new for me. I was unfamiliar with the process; I had lots of questions; I made mistakes. And while it has been an honor, privilege and blessing to be able to walk alongside brothers and sisters facing extremely difficult circumstances and support them however the Lord would lead us, it’s also been hard. It’s been hard at times to wisely discern how the Lord would have our team provide support and assistance and also when not to do so. It’s been hard to see such depths of pain and suffering up close. I’ve found that it’s in the hard moments that a question is born - will I power through in my own strength and self-sufficiency? Or will I surrender, stay needy, and remain dependent on the Lord? He has rewritten the moments of difficulty and uncertainty into a priceless gift – a never-ending supply of opportunities to rely on Him.
Second, I’ve felt more connected to and “sharpened by” the broader church family.
As a single female, I realized that most of my spiritual community was composed of other women in similar life stages. Serving on this team has allowed me to partner with and learn from other sisters and brothers in Christ with various backgrounds, life stages, experiences, and spiritual gifts. I’ve witnessed Jesus expand and grow my understanding and experience of there being “many parts, yet one body” (1 Corinthians 12:20). I’ve been “sharpened” (Proverbs 27:17) and humbled by differing perspectives, approaches, and convictions. I’ve been challenged, encouraged, prayed over, and checked on. I’ve been blessed to witness a family of broken yet redeemed followers of Jesus navigate conflict, celebration, loss, and healing amongst ourselves and alongside those we have the privilege of serving.
Third, I’ve experienced a training ground for wisdom.
The older I get, the more I realize how much I don’t know, and the more I understand Solomon’s only request of the Lord: to give him a “wise and discerning heart” to “distinguish between right and wrong” (1 Kings 3:9). Oh, how often I’ve desperately prayed, “God, I want to do what you want me to do, I just don’t know what that is!” While discernment is first a gift from the Lord and imparted through the Holy Spirit (John 16:13), the author of Hebrews writes that our “powers of discernment” are trained by “constant practice” (Hebrews 5:14). Like other gifts, we have to practice discernment and learn how to steward it well. So how can we expect to grow in wisdom and in “distinguishing good from evil” without willingly and humbly stepping into environments and circumstances where our discernment can be trained? My favorite aspect about serving within the Deacon team has been how we never make a decision alone. Each family or individual in need is assigned a team of two Deacons (a model loosely based off of Jesus’ example in Mark 6 of sending out the disciples for ministry two-by-two), who also glean from the collective wisdom of the entire Deacon team. For someone who has historically wrestled with decisions, this model has proven to be a blessing and training ground for my growing in confidence, wisdom, and discernment.
So, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” My prayer is that each of us would say, “I want to be more surrendered to and more dependent on Jesus.” By His grace and in ways you may not expect... He promises to do it.
One of the vehicles that He has used this past year has been allowing me the opportunity to serve as a Deacon. The Deacons are a team of men and women who help care for those in our church family and surrounding local community who are experiencing hardship and unmet physical or material needs.
How has the Lord used the Deacon ministry to help me look more like Jesus? I’m glad you asked!
First, I’ve been made uncomfortable.
Off the bat this may seem negative, but it’s actually been the best thing, because the moments of discomfort and uncertainty have led me back to where I’m meant to have remained all along - sitting at His feet in a posture of total surrender and dependence. Stepping into this role was new for me. I was unfamiliar with the process; I had lots of questions; I made mistakes. And while it has been an honor, privilege and blessing to be able to walk alongside brothers and sisters facing extremely difficult circumstances and support them however the Lord would lead us, it’s also been hard. It’s been hard at times to wisely discern how the Lord would have our team provide support and assistance and also when not to do so. It’s been hard to see such depths of pain and suffering up close. I’ve found that it’s in the hard moments that a question is born - will I power through in my own strength and self-sufficiency? Or will I surrender, stay needy, and remain dependent on the Lord? He has rewritten the moments of difficulty and uncertainty into a priceless gift – a never-ending supply of opportunities to rely on Him.
Second, I’ve felt more connected to and “sharpened by” the broader church family.
As a single female, I realized that most of my spiritual community was composed of other women in similar life stages. Serving on this team has allowed me to partner with and learn from other sisters and brothers in Christ with various backgrounds, life stages, experiences, and spiritual gifts. I’ve witnessed Jesus expand and grow my understanding and experience of there being “many parts, yet one body” (1 Corinthians 12:20). I’ve been “sharpened” (Proverbs 27:17) and humbled by differing perspectives, approaches, and convictions. I’ve been challenged, encouraged, prayed over, and checked on. I’ve been blessed to witness a family of broken yet redeemed followers of Jesus navigate conflict, celebration, loss, and healing amongst ourselves and alongside those we have the privilege of serving.
Third, I’ve experienced a training ground for wisdom.
The older I get, the more I realize how much I don’t know, and the more I understand Solomon’s only request of the Lord: to give him a “wise and discerning heart” to “distinguish between right and wrong” (1 Kings 3:9). Oh, how often I’ve desperately prayed, “God, I want to do what you want me to do, I just don’t know what that is!” While discernment is first a gift from the Lord and imparted through the Holy Spirit (John 16:13), the author of Hebrews writes that our “powers of discernment” are trained by “constant practice” (Hebrews 5:14). Like other gifts, we have to practice discernment and learn how to steward it well. So how can we expect to grow in wisdom and in “distinguishing good from evil” without willingly and humbly stepping into environments and circumstances where our discernment can be trained? My favorite aspect about serving within the Deacon team has been how we never make a decision alone. Each family or individual in need is assigned a team of two Deacons (a model loosely based off of Jesus’ example in Mark 6 of sending out the disciples for ministry two-by-two), who also glean from the collective wisdom of the entire Deacon team. For someone who has historically wrestled with decisions, this model has proven to be a blessing and training ground for my growing in confidence, wisdom, and discernment.
So, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” My prayer is that each of us would say, “I want to be more surrendered to and more dependent on Jesus.” By His grace and in ways you may not expect... He promises to do it.